Aug. 27th, 2012

badninja: (Default)
So a lot of people from twitterstuck have been contacting me worriedly, because I've been on and off the past two weeks. Heck, a lot of people have been contacting me in general being worried. I feel like I owe everyone an explanation for my absences in a way that's more than 140 characters on twitter.

I know I've been extremely unreliable the past two weeks. I feel extremely apologetic for it. I'm sorry, guys. I'm trying my very best but I've got this thing around August and September where I coccoon into myself and hibernate.

I'm trying not to do that this year, so if I can ask people the favour that if they don't see me for awhile, if you can try to check up on me, I would appreciate it. I'm not hiding because I want to. I feel trapped in the fact I keep having trouble contacting more people than myself. Because unfortunately, the thing I hate to say is that yes, there is a reason to worry.

There's a few things going on right now and it's more than just my foot being injured. I have social anxiety disorder and it's striking me pretty bad. So's my depression. And my PTSD. And my anxiety. And I can't sleep at all. Basically, I'm fucked. I see my psych on Wednesday.

Usually I spend a lot of time on twitterstuck when I'm like that but due to the aforementioned cocooning, it's the opposite this time. August and September are when I hide because they're the months that hold three bad anniversaries for me: my mom dying, my mom's birthday, and when I was infected with lyme.

So basically I usually hibernate in a ball and depression and PTSD and nerves, but I really don't want to do that this year. So I'm reaching out to my friends and saying, if you don't see me, please message me? Email ( penguins.stride @ gmail ) or facebook (I can provide the link privately) or twitter DM ( my personal davesbluebox or dave's account cogsnotfrogs ). AIM ( areyou99 ) yahoo!Messanger ( ) skype ( gostriding ).

I usually try not to ask these things because I don't want to bother people, but since so many people have been contacting me and asking if I'm okay / how they can contact me / how they can check up on me, I feel safe at reaching out.

And I really want to say this: I almost never feel safe in that. But this year, I do. I feel very okay in it. I love you guys. You've changed my life and you've changed it for the better. I love you and am thankful for you every day.

I'm going to try harder, because I know I need to for everyone who's worried about me, but also for myself. I'm going to try to steer myself towards a better path. And I thank you guys in advance for being there while I do it. And for everything you've done for me by just being around. Seriously. I love you.


badninja: (Default)

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