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Rue, could you possibly email me if you get a chance, if it's not too much trouble? guitarstarsolo @ gmail dot com

Thank you <3

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Sorry for disappearing offline for over 24 hours, guys. I've been so sick that I had my computer access taken away, which hasn't happened since I was 16.

HEY WHO WANTS TO HELP ME SHOP LAPTOPS

Somehow I've made it to the 13th. -- tomorrow is my birthday, pffft. Last year everyone forgot and I didn't even get a cake, the year before I was stuck on a bus for it after getting kicked out by my ex-girlfriend, I spent the one before that in a psychiatric facility. So, um, I'm not looking much forward to it. I'm pretty much just looking at it as something to get through towards a possible med review. But maybe it'll surprise me and be okay? I don't know.

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Lots of med research tonight because generally, when I go into CSTS with an idea of a few medications and show I've done my research, they'll work with me on what I want. Lamictal is not doing the job well anymore, but Abilify screws me and I think we've exhausted all of the off-label seizure meds (lamictal, depakote, depakote er, lithium, lithium carb, possibly tegretol, toradol, neurontin). No, there's about four left, but personally I think we've proven persistence does not win the game in that classification. MAYBE Lamictal SR would do me one better, but personally I'm wondering if dropping lamictal, moving klonopin to 'as needed' and going with Adderall + Buspar (a regularly used benzo replacement, though it doesn't work with some because they've been on benzos) + Wellbutrin XL + an SSRI will work a lot better. Already went through some of the SSRIs... (zoloft, celexa, celebrex, prozac, cymbalta, trazodone) ...but not nearly as many, so I think it's worth a try.

The advantage of Buspar is that you know within a week whether or not it will work, so if it doesn't, it's easy to put Klonopin back in the game.

I want this to work. I'll put up with CSTS' crap if I have to. I'll go to UMICH if I get in. I'll go to the Trauma Center and pay everything out of pocket if I have to. I'm seeing a lyme psychiatrist, with the specific intent to treat the PTSD and mental incapabilities of coping caused by the tick disorders. My goal is to get back into the workforce within two years. My goal is to finish my graphic design degree in the fall semester. I accidentally loaded enough credits that I only have one semester left and I've got everything done, for a degree I wasn't even going to be studying for. How does someone accidentally do that?

I don't care how old I am. I don't care what I am or am not diagnosed with. I will get what I want done because it's what I want, and the only thing blocking me is myself. I know I have a lot of work to do. I know that I will have to find a way to accompany the fact my disorders require me to be in weekly therapy and a hospitalization every year or two. But you know what? I can do it. I can't say that I will never let anyone make me think otherwise again. I can't say that I won't doubt. But I'm not going to stop trying, and maybe through seeing a pattern myself in trying, I will know I'm getting better.

(I'm already leaps and bounds better than I was in January)!

I just need to shift the physical stuff, too. To confirm my IC/PB they have to do a surgery that will take up to three days in-hospital recovery time. I find out on the 23 if I need ear surgery. I'm being prepared for another eye surgery. I may be having a stomach surgery. There may be other things, including a PICC line, a slow-releasing painreliever disc or a pain reliever reservoir at the base of my spine... etc etc et al. Does my determination seem clear, yet? I hope that it does.

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Hurr hurr RIku got approved back into the bar. So did Cere's new character (Russ from Gorillaz) and Pat's (Miharu). Pat's girlfriend was going to apply for the first time but she got put in the hospital for observation on the fifth. She gets out tomorrow or the 15th, they gave her special permission to apply her characters (Asuka and Murdoc). But I missed my bartending of which there was awesome plans for. Hopefully they'll let me schedule another next week coz I can actually show up, pfft.

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THEY MAKE PLASTIC BANDAIDS NOW. Or they always have and I've just discovered them. I used to be allergic to every kind of bandaid except paper bandaids, which don't ever really work. I'm so allergic to this kind of thing that I have a bandaid shaped scar. Don't ask, you won't like the story. Now I have discovered plastic, and it is amazing. It actually stays on! It protects my cuts! It doesn't give me hives!

:D

(no subject)

We now have an office area. It's a desk that my mom used to use, located in the hall between the kitchen and laundry room, the whole desk setup is built right into the house. There's a high shelf, a desk, and two drawers. I also now have a fancy-schmancy free office chair. This desk can hold two widescreen laptops and a tablet and still have room. I need to be able to alternatively swap out for the typewriter or a lightbox. If an office area needs to serve multiple functions, all of which require the desk area, what is the easiest way to make this efficient?

I also have the area in my room that both my mom and sister used as their office area. It's basically a squishy chair and a table. This is my area. Nobody touches it. It's for my sewing, my orders, anything you might think someone who is making and selling handsewn items may need. But the question is, what do I need to organize it?

.____.